season of love
It's the season of love and marriage.
Today, I received news of three engagements: 1) of a girl in M&A (from my class) who got engaged to a senior in the same team (at least 4 years apart in rank), 2) an old friend of mine from A level days, 3) another girl from my team who has been with her boyfriend for 9 years.
I'm reaching the age where, one by one, the people around me are getting engaged and married. It began with one drop (SW marrying in Nov 2006), then a trickle (the announcement of colleagues CL and TK's engagement and the former's wedding and now imminent baby girl. and among friends, of LT's engagement - wedding date: Dec 2008, then QT's - wedding date: indeterminate, likely to be year end 2009). Then comes the flood: three in a day! I can see the potential tidal wave of engagements threatening to crash and break on the shore too: ZT/YX, XM/KF, YP/M, CK/F, KL/JK, M/M, HV/JM(?)!
Hmm... I might have to fortify myself against feeling the pressure and getting stressed.
I was, am, very happy about the news of the engagements today. Particularly the one of my old A levels friend. This was her first love. And it seems like only among Singaporeans (well, and some of my Malaysians do you see first loves getting married and settling down with their 2.4 kids. I still remember her, being all tomboy and somewhat grumpy. Discontented and convinced that she would never marry. Most boys like the soft, frail, fragile girls. How could she compete against the masses of high pony-tailed, super skinny, feminine, be-skirted girls? But now she's found love and evidently the faith to take that happily-ever-after leap (and become skinny, more feminine and be-skirted along the way, although still grumpy), and I am truly very excited for her. I can't wait for the big white wedding, or the East Coast Park barbeque, whatever rocks her boat. As long as I see the happy couple and (better still) kids!
I'm also happy for my team mate, to finally have a happy ending to her 9 year-marathon high-school sweetheart saga.
But it was the first engagement of the day which completely floored me. I was shell-shocked. I don't know the girl particularly well, nor the guy. But they seem so different. I can't imagine them together. And more shocking - they are in the same team, and he's senior to her, a VP to her analyst! (did they work together?) apparently they had been going out for only 9 months.
It is almost scandalous. How did they make it work? How does such a love affair start, when you're both in the same team, with a superior-subordinate relationship? And yet, it's sweet. They managed to find a way to make it work. They took the risk, because they thought it was worth it.
And it felt like a punch to the stomach, a slap to the face, the splitting of the earth beneath my feet: that Cavé wasn't willing to take that step for me. Because he wasn't in love with me, because we were colleagues, in the same team (although we are in the same level and therefore not even scandalous) and he didn't want to go through that kind of pain again. He just wasn't that into me. He just doesn't care. He didn't want to take the risk. And it hurts. The full impact of the harsh reality never really hit me until today. People do risk it when it matters enough.
Heaven hath no wrath like love to hate turned, and hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
That's the kind of financially-focussed that is bad, I told him, when the email about the 25 year old girl's hunt for a US$500k man on Craig's list circulated around. That's the kind of financially-focussed that is bad, not my kind, where I'm choosing to work very hard and make difficult sacrifices to earn my own living, so I can be financially independent, and be a contributing productive member of a partnership if and when I find a boy and enter into a relationship. How can I like a boy who cannot be supportive of my choice? Who would rather prefer a financial leech (dependent) than a financially-focussed (his translation: greedy) female banker. The blanket categorisation hurts. He cannot make an exception.. despite having known me for 3 years, he doesn't See me. He doesn't see me the individual, the girl, just me under the category of mercenary female banker.
When I told him of that third engagement, of the other girl in my year, and also my team. He was like: really? What about you? You're in dangerous territory... you're getting old. I responded: it's your turn first You're older. I'm still very young and have lots of time. Besides, you have some one, a prospect. I have no one, so no worries for me there.
anyway.. it's time for bed. if and when the time for love comes, i'll probably be grumpy, moody, depressed, and crying over other stuff anyway.
Today, I received news of three engagements: 1) of a girl in M&A (from my class) who got engaged to a senior in the same team (at least 4 years apart in rank), 2) an old friend of mine from A level days, 3) another girl from my team who has been with her boyfriend for 9 years.
I'm reaching the age where, one by one, the people around me are getting engaged and married. It began with one drop (SW marrying in Nov 2006), then a trickle (the announcement of colleagues CL and TK's engagement and the former's wedding and now imminent baby girl. and among friends, of LT's engagement - wedding date: Dec 2008, then QT's - wedding date: indeterminate, likely to be year end 2009). Then comes the flood: three in a day! I can see the potential tidal wave of engagements threatening to crash and break on the shore too: ZT/YX, XM/KF, YP/M, CK/F, KL/JK, M/M, HV/JM(?)!
Hmm... I might have to fortify myself against feeling the pressure and getting stressed.
I was, am, very happy about the news of the engagements today. Particularly the one of my old A levels friend. This was her first love. And it seems like only among Singaporeans (well, and some of my Malaysians do you see first loves getting married and settling down with their 2.4 kids. I still remember her, being all tomboy and somewhat grumpy. Discontented and convinced that she would never marry. Most boys like the soft, frail, fragile girls. How could she compete against the masses of high pony-tailed, super skinny, feminine, be-skirted girls? But now she's found love and evidently the faith to take that happily-ever-after leap (and become skinny, more feminine and be-skirted along the way, although still grumpy), and I am truly very excited for her. I can't wait for the big white wedding, or the East Coast Park barbeque, whatever rocks her boat. As long as I see the happy couple and (better still) kids!
I'm also happy for my team mate, to finally have a happy ending to her 9 year-marathon high-school sweetheart saga.
But it was the first engagement of the day which completely floored me. I was shell-shocked. I don't know the girl particularly well, nor the guy. But they seem so different. I can't imagine them together. And more shocking - they are in the same team, and he's senior to her, a VP to her analyst! (did they work together?) apparently they had been going out for only 9 months.
It is almost scandalous. How did they make it work? How does such a love affair start, when you're both in the same team, with a superior-subordinate relationship? And yet, it's sweet. They managed to find a way to make it work. They took the risk, because they thought it was worth it.
And it felt like a punch to the stomach, a slap to the face, the splitting of the earth beneath my feet: that Cavé wasn't willing to take that step for me. Because he wasn't in love with me, because we were colleagues, in the same team (although we are in the same level and therefore not even scandalous) and he didn't want to go through that kind of pain again. He just wasn't that into me. He just doesn't care. He didn't want to take the risk. And it hurts. The full impact of the harsh reality never really hit me until today. People do risk it when it matters enough.
Heaven hath no wrath like love to hate turned, and hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
That's the kind of financially-focussed that is bad, I told him, when the email about the 25 year old girl's hunt for a US$500k man on Craig's list circulated around. That's the kind of financially-focussed that is bad, not my kind, where I'm choosing to work very hard and make difficult sacrifices to earn my own living, so I can be financially independent, and be a contributing productive member of a partnership if and when I find a boy and enter into a relationship. How can I like a boy who cannot be supportive of my choice? Who would rather prefer a financial leech (dependent) than a financially-focussed (his translation: greedy) female banker. The blanket categorisation hurts. He cannot make an exception.. despite having known me for 3 years, he doesn't See me. He doesn't see me the individual, the girl, just me under the category of mercenary female banker.
When I told him of that third engagement, of the other girl in my year, and also my team. He was like: really? What about you? You're in dangerous territory... you're getting old. I responded: it's your turn first You're older. I'm still very young and have lots of time. Besides, you have some one, a prospect. I have no one, so no worries for me there.
anyway.. it's time for bed. if and when the time for love comes, i'll probably be grumpy, moody, depressed, and crying over other stuff anyway.
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